“Who benefits, my dear, when you force yourself to not feel angry?”

― Kelly Barnhill, When Women Were Dragons

In the intricate dance of human emotions, anger often stands out as the rebellious partner, waiting to be acknowledged. Kelly Barnhill, in her thought-provoking book "When Women Were Dragons," poses a question that resonates deeply: "Who benefits, my dear, when you force yourself to not feel angry?" This question becomes a portal into exploring the layers of emotional expression and the profound effects of both expressing and suppressing our anger.

The Suppression of Anger

Let's face it – society often teaches us to stifle our anger, to maintain a composed exterior even when the internal inferno rages. But who truly benefits when we silence our anger? The immediate answer might be that it helps maintain social harmony, preventing conflicts and discomfort. However, the cost of this suppression is often paid by the individual, as the energy that anger brings remains confined, clawing at the edges of our mental and emotional well-being.

Benefits for Others

On the surface, it may seem that others benefit when we keep our mouths closed about our anger. Relationships may appear smoother, and the waters less turbulent. Yet, this tranquility is often superficial, masking an undercurrent of unresolved emotions. Unexpressed anger can breed resentment, creating an environment where true understanding and growth become elusive.

The absence of open communication about our feelings also denies those around us the opportunity to understand our perspectives and learn from the situations that trigger our anger. It is through these conversations that relationships deepen and connections strengthen. By expressing our anger constructively, we allow others the chance to engage in meaningful dialogue, fostering empathy and mutual growth.

Personal Liberation Through Expression

On the flip side, there is profound personal liberation in letting go of the societal expectation to suppress anger. When we allow ourselves to feel and express our anger, we embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. It is not about unleashing anger in destructive ways but acknowledging its presence, understanding its roots, and channeling its energy into positive actions.

Expressing anger can be a transformative experience, a cathartic release that clears some of the fog within our minds. As we give voice to our emotions, we open the door to self-empowerment, breaking free from the chains of societal expectations. Through this process, we learn to set boundaries, communicate assertively, and embrace the authenticity of our emotions.

In the grand tapestry of human emotions, anger is not the villain; it is a messenger, signaling unmet needs, injustices, and opportunities for growth. Kelly Barnhill's poignant question challenges us to reconsider the conventional wisdom that dictates the suppression of anger. While there may be a perceived harmony in silence, the true harmony arises when we navigate the tempest of our emotions with courage and authenticity.

So together let's consider the profound liberation that comes with letting go of the weight of unexpressed anger. Embrace the transformative power of acknowledging and channeling your emotions, not just for your own well-being but for the growth and understanding of those around you. In the unraveling of anger lies the key to genuine connection, personal growth, and the evolution of our collective human experience.